I’ve never thought of myself as an actor. I seek out genuine relationships and appreciate authenticity in others. I have always felt like those are the qualities others can count on receiving from me…and mostly that’s true.
I have struggled with anxiety most of my life. For me anxiety can often feel like performing. Anxiety is uncomfortable and, in an effort, to feel good and avoid swirling thoughts, self-doubt and constant worry you can become a great actor. That acting can look like high-performance, being helpful and hardworking, performing well under pressure, social and confident. What’s happening inside is much less attractive, it’s poor boundaries and people pleasing, it’s a fear of failure, it’s self-loathing, it’s over analyzing every interaction of your day, it’s guilt.
I’m still learning to identify these anxiety behaviors and combat them with supportive personal and professional environments, safe spaces that allow me to be uncomfortable and grow. It’s allowing myself to feel the things I’ve worked hard to avoid and be reassured in knowing that the feeling won’t last forever. It’s understanding that asking for support, taking medication and having unmanageable moments are not weakness and they certainly don’t define me.
For me the work and growth comes when I confront the actor, when I choose not to avoid but engage with my own internal conflict.
Managing my anxiety happens every minute of every day. It is a journey and not a destination.
Director of Marketing & Engagement
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